


The Widow’s Charge

by secondsineternity (glassandroses)



Series: The Widow’s Family [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amnesia, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Comic, Deaf Clint Barton, F/F, Hydra (Marvel), Memory Loss, Minor Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader is called "Alyssa" and Y/N, Reader-Insert, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2020-06-27 02:31:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19781425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassandroses/pseuds/secondsineternity
Summary: "And I'm stolen, my pride and my ego are broken, does that mean you win? I lost hoping, left my heart too wide open. I let those thieves in, I was so nearly stolen."After being held hostage by HYDRA for a year, you are saved by a red-haired angel with a deadly past- and you seem to be in it.Set between Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) and Captain America: Civil War (2016). Previously published as Stolen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Buy me a coffee? https://ko-fi.com/gluchie

**__**

**_"And I'm stolen, my pride and my ego are broken, does that mean you win? I lost hoping, left my heart too wide open. I let those thieves in, I was so nearly stolen."_ **

_****_

_**\- Talia Mar, Stolen** _

The past five hours ran through my mind in a series of stills.

_Alarms blaring. Red lights flashing. My eyes slowly opening from a deep, drugged sleep. My dry mouth and rumbling stomach. Forcing my weak and dying body awake. Taking in the chaos around me. Silhouettes running past me. Shouts and screams coming from all different directions. The sounds of pleading and crying. The sound of metal scraping against the concrete as my cell door was opened._

_A beautiful redheaded woman unlocking the chains around my wrists, ankles and neck, picking me up delicately and carrying me out into the daylight._

And while in my peaceful comatose, I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I saw the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> Intro  
>  _Overture - Evanescence_
> 
> Main Theme  
>  _Stolen - Talia Mar_


	2. Chapter 2

The lights were blinding. The sounds were deafening. As I came to, the first thing that I remembered was that I was no longer a prisoner. I was no longer a bird in a cage. I was free.

_Free, free, free, free._

"Well, good morning."

I whipped my head to the voice, a mistake I immediately regretted making. I pressed my hand against the throbbing area of my head, wincing. After a minute, I regained my focus and I realized who the voice belonged to.

"Sorry," The redhead bit her lip in guilt, and I studied her. There was no doubt that this was the same woman from hours earlier. This was the woman who had found me, the woman who had carried me out of that hellhole. The woman who had saved me. And I knew her.

_I know you. I know you, but how... how, how, how, how?_

"How long..." My whisper drifted off. It had been years since I had spoken, been allowed to speak.

"Three days. You're a heavy sleeper." She chuckled, trying to bring us both back into a more positive mood but we were interrupted. A brown-haired woman wearing hospital scrubs walked into the room.

"Hi sweetheart." She greeted me with a kindness I was not used to. "Glad to see you're awake."

I could only stare at her. She must've accepted my silence as tiredness because she lifted a clipboard off the side of the bed and began to ask questions. "Can you tell me your name?"

I blinked drowsily, running through my head as I tried to answer her question, tried to remember my damn name.

_My name my name my name._

"I..." I tried to speak, my voice strained from disuse. "I don't..."

"Alyssa." The redhead spoke up beside me. "Her name is Alyssa Presett."

_No, no, no, that's not right, that's not my name._

I let the lady tell the doctor the rest of the information she asked for, each answer sounding strange and foreign to me.

"She's 18."

"No family."

"Yes, I'm her only emergency contact. I'm just her roommate."

I eventually drowned it all out, only wishing to go back to sleep. I barely noticed that sometime later the doctor had gone, leaving the redhead and I in some distorted state of silence.

"Why can't I remember my name?" I whispered, hoping that possibly verbalizing my thoughts would bring me an answer.

The woman shifted in the brown leather seat to look at me. "I'm not a doctor but I'm assuming you have amnesia."

I nodded slowly, processing the words. _Amnesia._

"You're not really my roommate, are you?" I asked, unintentional wary lacing my voice.

She shook her head, "I'm Natasha. I'm an agent of SHIELD, we're the group who rescued you and the others who had been kept with you."

"And my name is not Alyssa Presett." I said. Not a question, but a statement.

"No, it's not." Her face was emotionless, but her eyes... her eyes were swimming with thoughts and feelings that were an impossibility to read. "It's the identity you will be using until we can confirm that you're safe."

I nodded, though the thoughts floating in my mind disagreed. "Then what is my name?"

Natasha stayed silent, studying me for a few moments. "We don't know," Her voice was tinged with guilt, "But we're trying to find out."

I let my eyes roam her face, trying to tell what she truly meant. Something felt wrong about her answer, like she was lying to me or leaving something out. She only looked innocently back at me, no help at all.

"Alright. I just- I just need a minute." I said and rested my forehead in my palm.

Natasha waited as my mind slowly processed everything that had been told to me. When I finally looked back up to her, she assumed it meant that I was okay with her continuing her interrogation, "Do you remember anything?"

I knew what she was asking about without having to clarify. "I only remember that they ran these medical tests on me. They said they were looking for a... a cure or something. I don't remember."

Natasha's lips pursed in thought, "A cure? Like a cure for a disease?"

"I don't know. They mostly spoke in some other language. Russian or something, I have no idea."

Natasha nodded slowly, rubbing the palms of her hands on her jeans, "I don't want to ask you this, but I have to. Do you remember what or how they tested on you?"

I cringed, slowly and subconsciously trying to back up closer to the bed. The memories, the horrifying things that they had done to me came crawling back from where I had buried them each day. "I do."

Natasha sighed softly, probably accepting the fact that this was all she was going to get out of me today. She also must've seen the small yawn I tried to hide behind my hand. She slowly rose from the chair, her eyes softening. "Get some sleep. You need it."

"Where're you going?"

"Bathroom," She said, and you felt it again, that internal knowing that she was lying to you. You brushed it off, thinking that you were too tired to fight her on it. I had faded back into the darkness, feeling safer than I had ever felt in a long time.

* * *

"Can I go yet?"

Natasha shook her head remorsefully, "When we leave, you and I are going to a safe house."

"Why can't I just-"

"Hey, listen. Considering your current memory problem, you're not exactly in a state to wander about New York freely." She said firmly but not harshly.

I sighed and rested deeper into the hospital pillows. I had been in the hospital for three days now, and I'd practically been on bedrest. I had tried to get up for any other reason than to go to the bathroom but Natasha or the doctors wouldn't let me, saying I needed 

All I wanted was to move.

_Free, free, free, free._

The doctor walked in then, a kind smile on her face. "You're all set, you can leave whenever you're ready."

"Thank you, Dr. Brett." Natasha said to the woman as she departed from the room. Natasha mouthed a quick 'be right back' to me and left the room. I waited patiently, studying the room I never hoped to see again. I scoured my brain for my lost memories, for the past I had no grasp of. Nothing came to me, everything had to be hidden in the deepest, darkest part of my brain that I was too scared to look in.

Natasha returned soon, thankfully, but with a hospital wheelchair in tow.

"Oh, come on," I whined as she helped me into the wheelchair and began to push me out of the hospital room, "Don't you think this is a little bit unnecessary?" 

"No." Natasha replied, and that was the end of that conversation. She continued to push the chair out of the hospital and to the parking lot where I was led to a black van. She helped me out of the wheelchair and into the passenger seat of the van.

"Stay," She told me and went to return the wheelchair. I took a moment to look at the world. Trees, bushes, buildings, cars, people, the unfading sun. I couldn't remember ever feeling such serenity.

My thoughts were interrupted by Natasha opening the driver's side door. She slid into the car and buckled herself in.

"So where are we going?" I asked, wanting to get something more than a 'safehouse'.

Natasha put the keys in the ignition and started the car. "Like I said, the safehouse."

I groaned and thumped my head against the seat. "Why can't I just go home?"

"You know why," Natasha said. Because she had no idea what my home is, and I couldn't remember what my home really was.

I sighed through my nose, looking out the window of my side of the van. "Can we at least grab something to eat? There's this really good restaurant on the corner of Kanter and Lions..."

I looked over at Natasha and caught the smile she tried to hide. She must've known the restaurant too, or possibly something else. Her smile faded when she looked back at me though, like she was hiding her emotions from me. _But why?_

"Someone is meeting us at the safehouse, someone who wants to meet you," Natasha said softly, as if not to scare me, "Don't worry, it's someone I trust. And he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> Her Name Is Alyssa  
>  _Waking Up - Pinar Toprak_
> 
> He Doesn’t Like To Be Kept Waiting  
>  _Helicarrier - Alan Silvestri_


	3. Chapter 3

I must've fallen asleep while Natasha drove along the backroads of New York because I opened my eyes to a lush, green forest. The van drove along a bumpy dirt trail that jolted my body with each rivet. I adjusted my eyes to the dim evening light and began to see a cabin in the distance.

"How long have I been asleep?"

Natasha looked over to me out of the corner of her eye before focusing back on the road again. "About six hours."

I furrowed my eyebrows. Her tone was sharp and aloof, like she had become angry with me. I cleared my throat, "Are you okay?"

"Fine." That same, aloof tone.

I swallowed thickly, the effects of my nap beginning to take a toll on me, "You don't sound it."

"Have you been lying to me?" Natasha gritted out suddenly, catching me off guard.

I looked over at her, confusion etching my face, "Excuse me?"

"About your memory." Natasha said, annoyance in her tone, "Have you been lying to me about how much you remember?"

"No," I said firmly, "No I haven't. Why are you asking me this?"

Natasha was silent for a moment. "Because you said something in your sleep."

I furrowed my eyebrows. I never remembered being much of a sleep-talker. "What did I say?"

Another moment of silence. "You called me Natal'ka."

I was silent, waiting for her to continue.

She sighed, "I've only ever let two people call me that. Clint Barton, and..." She trailed off slowly and shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I don't..." I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry, "I don't know why I would say that."

Natasha didn't reply as she put the car in park. I watched her as she unbuckled her seatbelt and rested back against her chair. She closed her eyes for a moment before turning her head to look at me. Her features softened as her eyes explored my face. 

I broke the peaceful silence between us, "I hope you don't mind me asking but, uh, who's Clint Barton? Is he the person we're going to see?"

"Clint's an agent like me, an old friend of mine. And no, he's not who we're meeting."

I nodded, storing the information away in case it was useful in the future. A habit I had learned at my time in the living hell that was...

I blinked, pulling myself away from the memories and back to the present. Back to Natasha.

She was still gazing at me, her emerald eyes now shining with concern. I gave her a small smile to show her that I was okay. She smiled back, but her eyes still held that same apprehensive glaze.

Natasha's attention was caught by something behind me. I turned to see that the porch light had been turned on.

"Let's go," Natasha whispered and opened her door, then walking around the car to open mine. I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid out of the car, softly thanking her for the kind gesture. 

The leaves crunched under my feet as we approached the cabin. A movement in the curtains caught my attention, and only then I realized that we were being watched. I gulped, knowing that it should've scared me, but... it didn't. I don't know why, but I wasn't afraid.

As we ascended the front porch steps and approached the door, she motioned for me to stop. To wait.

A second passed, and the door swung open. A man with an eyepatch barely stepped out from the cabin and nodded at Natasha. "Were you followed?"

Natasha quirked an eyebrow, "If I was followed, would I be standing here?"

"Just have to take precautions," He said, then turned his one-eyed gaze to me, "Especially with..."

Natasha cleared her throat, "Alyssa, this is my boss, Nick Fury. Director, this is Alyssa Presett."

He studied me with his one eye before holding a hand out to me, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Alyssa."

I could only nod at him as he took a firm grasp on my hand and shook.

"Let's get you two inside," He pulled me toward the door and ushered me and Natasha inside.

It took my moment for my eyes to adjust to the change of lighting, but when I could see, the room was bear apart from a round wooden table. Atop of the table rested a desk lamp and a cigar tray. Other than that, the room was completely empty.

And it felt wrong.

"I've..." I whispered, not knowing how to explain myself, "I think I've been here before."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Natasha and her boss exchange a look. That meant they knew something, and they weren't telling me. 

Natasha walked around me to the table and pulled out a chair. "Sit down."

I sat, eying her carefully. She didn't let any emotion show on her face as she sat in the chair beside me. She wouldn't look at me as she rested her elbows on the table and folded her hands, setting her chin atop them.

"Alyssa," Fury started after he sat across from us, "We believe you were taken as a part of an experiment called Aconaris." 

I could only stare at him, waiting for him to continue.

He sighed, "It was an experiment to brainwash and create new soldiers. New, advanced soldiers."

I watched as he began rummaging through his pockets. He pulled out a glass vial with a translucent blue liquid inside, a substance so familiar to me that it made my stomach flip.

"Do you remember anything that looked like this?" He asked me softly as I stared at the vial.

I remembered. I remembered the whitecoats filling the syringe with it, slowly and carefully. They would mercilessly stab the needle through my arm or feed it to me through a tube or an IV, other days  
they would give it to me as a pill. Pill days were the better days.

I tried to keep myself from panicking, keep my body from shaking and my mind from shutting down. Natasha, probably seeing that I had begun to panic, tried to help me. "Can't we do this tomorrow, Fury? She-"

"No, Romanoff," He said curtly, then turned his attention to me, "I'm sorry, but we need all the information we can get right now."

I nodded, knowing that fighting with him would just make everything harder.

"You were given this," He gestured to the vial, "And then tested. I assume it was strength and agility tests, and other tests?"

"Yes, there were other tests." I muttered, not even sure if he had heard me. "I don't remember them very well, though."

He looked to Natasha who, with pursed lips and tight eyes, nodded for him to continue.

"You are one of the only ones who survived those tests. You are one of the last thirty or so soldiers of that group."

I couldn't breathe, couldn't _think_ , "How many died?"

Fury clasped his hands together, "Around two hundred. Possibly more."

"No..." I brought a hand up to my mouth in an inane attempt to hide the sobs that racked through my body. Natasha pulled me into her strong embrace so suddenly, stroking my hair and telling me that I was alright. As if it was second nature.

When I could compose myself enough, I brought my head up from Natasha's chest where I had laid. "Who," I sniffled, "Who would _ever_ do this?"

"According to our intel, Nicolas von Webrein." Fury looked between me and Natasha before continuing, "The new leader of HYDRA."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> He Doesn’t Like To Be Kept Waiting (cont.)  
>  _Helicarrier - Alan Silvestri_
> 
> Nicolas von Webrein  
>  _Hydra - Henry Jackman_


	4. Chapter 4

"What?" Natasha growled, her body tensing up in anger, or fear, or both- I didn't want to know. 

"You heard me, Romanoff." Fury said as he stood and turned away from the table, and by his tone I knew this was a conversation I wasn't meant to be witnessing. I wanted to disappear.

Natasha schooled her face into neutrality, an emotionless gaze. "You should have told me."

Fury turned back to us swiftly, a look of anger crossing his face, "I don't have to tell you anything, Agent."

Natasha seemed to back down at that, standing and stepping away from the table. I timely, yet unintentionally yawned despite my nap on the way to the cabin. Natasha, observant as ever, gently rested her hand on my shoulder. "You should go to bed."

Part of me wanted to protest, wanted to find out more, but my brain was foggy and it was getting harder to keep my eyes open. "Okay."

Natasha helped me out of my chair and led me to a small bedroom. I could feel Fury's eyes burn into my back until Natasha closed the door. "There's a bathroom and a shower through there," she pointed at a small door, "And there should be a pair of pajamas in one of these drawers."

I looked around the room, quaint and cozy. A twin-size bed. A dresser with five drawers. Two doors, one to the bathroom and one to the room we just came from. One window. An overhead light. It all felt familiar but not. A house with no memory of it being a home.

"I'll come back when you get showered and changed, okay? We have a lot to talk about." Natasha said softly. I nodded, and she turned to the door. "Try to not think about it all tonight."

I stared at her back, and whispered so softly I wasn't sure she could hear, "How can I not?"

She turned, looking anywhere but my eyes, "Distract yourself. I wish we had a radio or television, but even that's too much of a risk right now. I think we have some books around here somewhere, I'll try to find one for you."

I was going to protest, to say that she didn't have to go through all the trouble for me, but she was out the door quicker than lightning. I sighed, the exhaustion from the day settling deep in my bones like dense metal. I reluctantly began to prepare for my shower, but a series of whispered mumblings echo through the small house- I could hear them talking, arguing through the thin walls. Fury's voice was more intelligible, he was close by my room. I leaned towards the door, hesitantly trying to hear the conversation. And as if a switch in my mind had been flicked on, everything sounded louder. Clearer.

"You know how I feel about your missions interfering with your personal life."

I blinked, surprised at Fury's words. I pressed my ear closer to the door.

"So you're saying that I shouldn't have gone in? That you would've sent some low-level nobody agent to rescue her?" Natasha snarled, catching me off guard. I could understand why she wanted to save everyone who was in that HYDRA compound but... why did it have to be only me? 

_Why me why me why me..._

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Romanoff." Fury clasped his hands loudly behind his back.

"How could you say that? You know who she is, what she means to me-"

"She doesn't even know who she is right now." Fury interrupted, "For all we know, HYDRA could have brainwashed her like the Winter Soldier, made her ready to attack at any moment."

A beat of silence. I held my breath.

"You don't know that." Natasha whispered.

"You're right, I don't. But it's not wrong to suspect." Fury stood, walking around the table. "I only hope that it's not the case, for all of our sakes."

* * *

"You're supposed to be asleep."

It was my turn to be cold. "I didn't know that I was supposed to be doing anything."

It had been a few hours since I eavesdropped on their conversation, and it only left me more confused. I had to tune them out, so I ran the shower for as long as I could. The scalding water burned my skin red, but my thoughts were fixated on the conversation I was not meant to hear; Why was recuing me personal for Natasha? Why does Fury think I'm a threat? What the hell was going on with my hearing?

I fell asleep before Natasha returned, but nightmares plagued me. Faces of the people who experimented on me, tortured me, burning and rotting. The marred skin peeling off of their bodies. The distorted screams, louder than any sound I had heard before. At some point, I had stopped seeing it as a nightmare and more as a dream- despite knowing that what I saw wasn't real, that it was created by my sick and twisted subconscious, I tried to feel sympathy for them. I couldn't.

And when I woke, a dark part of me wished for my dream to somehow come to fruition.

"Why are you awake?"

"Bad dreams." I mumbled, shrugging a shoulder. "Couldn't fall back asleep."

I heard the shuffling of feet, the ruffling of cloth on a body. The bed creaked as she sat next to me, her weight making the mattress dip only slightly. She rested against the headboard and looked down at me. She looked at me the same way she did in the car, misty and glazed. With each moment that passed, I felt more at ease. More peaceful.

"Are you alright?"

Like cold water down my back, I was snapped out of my haze. I didn't know how to answer- I wanted to say yes, but a part of me felt like I couldn't lie to this woman, not right now. Instead, I spoke the question that had been roaming my mind. "Can you stay with me tonight?"

Natasha's hand froze momentarily, resting on my hair before continuing its trail, "Of course."

She moved, the bed creaking as she laid down beside me and closed her eyes. Her face was close to mine, but it strangely didn't feel awkward at all. Moonlight highlighted her resting face, made her look beautiful. Ethereal.

I hoped there was enough space between us to mask the heat radiating from my cheeks.

"Natasha?" A whisper in the dark.

"Yes?" An exhausted, mumbled response.

A moment of hesitation and silence before I jumped in headfirst, "Who are you to me?"

Natasha's eyes opened, roamed my face. A small, tired smile glazed over her lips. Like trickles of water, soft, warm fingers grazed my hip on the place where my shirt rode up from tossing and turning. We were close, I could feel her warm breath on my cheek and her hair brushed against my forehead. My breath hitched, but I didn't flinch. Not once.

Slowly, she pulled me towards her. She tucked my head under her chin and I rested against her chest. It felt natural and so very right, and I couldn't explain how. We were like pieces from two different puzzles, yet we fit together perfectly.

Her hand stoked my hair, her fingers gently kneading into it. I could hear her heart beating, and it soothed me. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open, my exhaustion reaching the maximum.  
Before I drifted off, a pair of soft lips touched the top of my head, light as a feather. "Goodnight (Y/N)."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> Overhearing  
>  _Natasha - Henry Jackman_
> 
> Goodnight  
>  _Celesta - Justin Hurwitz_


	5. Chapter 5

_We were laughing as we walked back up the trail, soaking wet after having pushed each other into the lake. I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed her knuckles. She squeezed my hand tighter, only letting go to open the sliding glass door into our cozy home._

_"Afternoon, agents," A deep voice echoed from our kitchen as we walked around the corner._

_"Dammit, Fury," Natasha grumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest, "You can't just show up to our house whenever you like."_

_Fury ignored her comment, "I have missions for both of you." He slid two folders across the table. Natasha sighed, walking into the kitchen while I took a seat at the table. I flipped the folder open, quickly scanning over the information on the front page._

_"Another HYDRA base?" I said, a bit incredulously, "I thought the one Rogers just took down was the last?"_

_"Apparently not. This one popped up on our radar just a few days ago, but it seems like it's been established for years. Fully occupied, fully functioning. It's a shame we didn't see it sooner."_

_Natasha returned from the kitchen carrying a tray with three mugs of coffee. She set it in the middle of our table. I reached for the mug closest to me, knowing it would be the one made they way I like it. "Thank you, baby."_

_"Of course," She hummed, frowning when she turned back to Fury, "And you want us to what, take it down?"_

_"No, I want you," Fury turned to me, "To go undercover for a few weeks. Dig around and see if you can find out how they stayed hidden for so long."_

_Natasha took a sip of her coffee. "And me?"_

_"I want you to stay in the area." Fury folded his hands together, "Keep a close watch. Backup, if necessary."_

_A beat of silence, of thought from all parties. Finally, Natasha broke the quiet,"I don't like this, Fury."_

_"I didn't ask you, Agent Romanoff." Fury quipped. Under other circumstances, I would've giggled at her annoyed submission, but now I was just as weary as her._

_I sighed, resigning. "How long?"_

_"Two months, possibly more." Fury said unapologetically and without hesitation._

_A bad feeling was left in my stomach, but I accepted the mission. Little did I know, it would be my last for a very long time..._

* * *

I bolted upright in the bed with a gasp, my breathing heavy and uneven. My hands trembled as I gripped the blanket atop me. All I could think was I can't breathe and the room is spinning and way too hot so I ripped the blanket off of me.

"Woah," A voice said, a voice that had been in my dream just seconds ago, "You're okay, you're okay, breathe."

I saw Natasha, her red hair shining in the moonlight. Her eyes were unclear, unadulterated, as if she was staring right through me. "I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I said, my voice breathless and uneven.

"It's fine," Natasha said briskly. We were silent for a moment after, and at one point, she slowly reached a hand up to my face before swiftly moving back to where she was before. She cleared her throat, "What happened?"

"It was nothing." I said, though it felt more like I was assuring myself, "Nothing at all."

Natasha's eyes were stern and hardened as they stared into mine. My breathing picked up, and her eyebrows narrowed. "What did you see."

I swallowed thickly, eased my shallow breaths. "Flashes. Of you." I paused to look at her briefly, and it was like a shadow had crossed over her features, "Of Fury. This house."

Something seemed to glisten in her eyes, recognition, pain. She looked away from me, staring down at her lap and playing with the hem of her shirt. "What else?"

Her voice was soft and vulnerable, and maybe that was what spurred me to continue. "You and me, we were... together. And we were walking towards this house from... from a lake. Fury was in the kitchen and he told us to do something for him." I paused to catch my breath, "I don't really remember anything else, it's really hazy now..."

Natasha nodded, still staring down at her lap. "Okay. Okay. Well, we only have a few ours before we need to be up, so let's try and go back to sleep."

She laid back down, turned away from me. I stayed sitting up for a minute more, looking at the curve of her back before laying back down beside her.

"Natasha..." I took a deep breath, "Did- Did we know each other, before..."

Natasha was silent, avoiding my begging gaze.

I held back a desperate sigh, "Please. Please tell me."

More silence, quiet and deafening. I was getting tired of hiding the pain in my voice. "Why can you just tell me?"

"You will remember if you're meant to remember." Natasha said, looking like she was doing everything she could to hold herself back, "If you remember too quickly, or at the wrong time, your mind could be overloaded with the information and I- I don't even want to think about what'll happen..."

I could only stare at her, confused by her sudden outburst of anxiety, "I'll be fine-"

"You don't know that!" She finally looked at me, but there was nothing in her eyes but anger and rage, "None of us have any idea what would happen, and I don't want to lose you again now that I just got you back."

A beat of tense silence, and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. "Lose me again?"

Natasha's eyes widened, if only a tiny bit, and she quickly stood from the bed. I could only watch as she moved to the door slowly, almost reluctantly. "I'm sorry. Goodnight."

She swiftly ducked out of the room and I was left staring at the desolate space where she was only moments ago.

* * *

"I told you it was a bad idea to go in there."

Natasha ignored him, walking straight past him and to the sliding glass door. She stepped outside into the cool night air, letting it embrace her. She enjoyed the solitude for a few moments before she felt a presence behind her.

"I didn't mean to upset you earlier, Romanoff." Fury said from behind her, almost struggling to phrase what he wanted to say. "You know I want what's best for you, and for her. But if she becomes a safety risk..."

Natasha's voice was soft but seething, leftover rage and anger that hadn't dissipated forming on her lips. "I won't let that happen."

Fury looked as if he wanted to argue with her, but he let it drop- just for now. He folded his hands behind his back and moved to stand beside her. A comfortable silence passed between them as they stared out over the open woods. Little needed to be said, they were accustomed to quiet. Yet, he felt that something had to be put out there, put out to her to know. 

As he walked back into the house, he looked the spy from over his shoulder. "She brings out the worst in you, Natasha."

A sad smile that only the deep, dark wilderness could see. "I know. That's why I love her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> A Very, Very Long Time...  
>  _Dreams Within Dreams - Murray Gold_
> 
> That’s Why I Love Her  
>  _Beginning of the End - Murray Gold_


	6. Chapter 6

When I woke, the sun was shining through the silk curtains.

It took a few minutes to pull myself out of the bed. My body ached all over, and I winced with each move I made to turn away from the sunlight shining against my face. It was as if the exhaustion of the past couple of days was catching up with my body. I felt weak, fragile.

It didn't sit well with me.

I got to my feet and dressed, trying to ignore the pounding in my head and the soreness in my feet. I though of the argument I had with Natasha just a few hours ago. It made my stomach turn, the way she had yelled at me. I mentally prepared myself for guarded words and hateful looks as I turned the door knob to the main room.

"Good morning," Natasha chirped as I walked out of the bedroom, acting as if nothing had happened the night before, "You hungry? I hope pancakes are okay."

I sat down at the table wordlessly, surprised as I wondered why she was so chipper towards me today after the events of last night. Fury sat across from me reading a newspaper, completely consumed by whatever story he was reading about. A few minutes later, Natasha came over with a stack of pancakes and a bottle of syrup. "Hurry up and eat."

"Why?" I groaned tiredly as I began to serve myself some of the pancakes and drown them in syrup.

"We're leaving." Fury said, not looking up from his paper. "In about an hour."

"Wait, what?" I asked dumbly, pancakes momentarily forgotten. "Why do we have to leave?"

"We can't have them tracking you here." He continued, "It's already a risk to stay here for as long as we have. To keep moving you is to keep HYDRA away from you."

I stayed silent, processing, and took a few bites of my pancakes. "Is there any other way we can just stay here?"

"Well, you have two options." Fury started, setting his mug back down on the table, "We can keep you in a high-security room at one of our facilities, essentially a cell, and I presume you do not want to be in one of those again."

Natasha's fist clenched around the handle of her mug.

"Or," Fury continued, "We can keep moving you from place to place. Either keeps you safe and HYDRA on their toes."

I turned to Natasha, hoping that in some helpless way, she could say something like last night. Fight to stay here, for some sense of stability and normality in our lives.

But the Natasha from last night must have been dormant, gone, because her voice was too soft, too submissive. "If it helps you choose, I won't be able to stay with you at the saferoom." Natasha said quietly, the opposite tone from last night.

I blinked, turning away and looking down at my barely eaten pancakes. "And it's not too much? To have to drag me along everywhere?"

"No. Never." Natasha said, with only kindness and sincerity in her voice, and I knew. It dawned on me that she wasn't fighting because she wanted what's best for me, to keep me safe- for whatever reasons, I don't know. 

I looked back up at her, more confident and concrete. "Then I'm staying with you."

Natasha smiled brightly before having another sip of her coffee, never taking her eyes off mine.

A series of beeps echoed from Fury's pocket, pulling our attention from each other. He pulled out a phone, scanning over the information before slowly looking up at us. "They're here."

My heart began to race.

"You need to move her." Fury ordered, "Now."

"C'mon," Natasha took my hand, nearly dragging me through the house and out to the car. I stumbled behind her graceful stride, trying my hardest to keep up in my exhausted state.

"There she is!" Someone- one of the HYDRA agents shouted from behind me, "Get her!"

Men dressed in dark Kevlar began to run at us from all sides. Natasha pulled a handgun from God knows where and began to shoot at the ones who got too close. More shots sounded from behind me, and from the corner of my eye I could see Fury firing at them with a shotgun in each hand. Men were falling down like flies, and that dark part of me was crawling up through my body, wanting to help take them out. Kill them, watch them die too, until every inch of me was filled with this strange sort of malice and evil.

I shoved it back down.

A pain, sudden and sharp, rippled on the back of my head. Something like a scream ripped from my throat and I fell backwards to the ground. My ears rang, and the sun blinded my through the canopy of trees. I could see the hazy figure of Natasha above me, her gun aimed at a HYDRA agent. I didn't hear her shoot, but I saw the bullet hit right between his eyes, saw him drop to the ground.

"Shit, shit, honey." Natasha mumbled, leaning over and scooping me up in her arms. We must have been closer to the car than I thought, because the sunlight was gone and I felt myself being rested on soft cushion.

"Nat... I can't..." I pressed my hand to my head on the spot where the HYDRA agent struck me.

"Shit," She cursed as she ran through a herd of HYDRA agents, dividing her attention between driving and taking care of my injury. "Stay awake, (Y/N), you have to stay awake."  
I groaned in pain, and I began to feel lightheaded, "Why do you... keep calling me that?"

The engine revved as Natasha slammed her foot further down on the pedal, "What are you talking about?"

"I thought," I winced as a sudden rush of pain hit, "I thought my name was Alyssa..."

Natasha was quiet as she turned onto a main road, speed increasing. "Just stay awake."

I tried my hardest to abide by her words, to keep myself awake and alert, but the vibrations of the car unwillingly lulled me into the deep, painless dark.

* * *

A loud thump woke me from my slumber. I groaned, reaching up to my head which I found was now taped and padded with gauze. "What the hell..."

"You never listen to me, do you?"

I opened my eyes and pulled myself up, leaning back on my elbow. "Huh?"

Natasha sighed amusedly from the front seat of the car, shaking her head. "I told you not to fall asleep. You did it anyway."

"Sorry." I mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "What happened?"

"One of those HYDRA fuckers had the nerve to try and knock you out with a rock." Natasha growled. Guarded. Possessive.

I blinked, processing the information. "And are they dead?"

Natasha hesitated, looking down at me for a moment before finally answering. "Yes. All of them are dead."

A strange sense of relief and satisfaction rushed through me. "Good."

Natasha threw a strange look at me, one I couldn't describe. It was as if she was confused, but wanted me to say more. She looked away and began to fiddle with her keys. That was when I realized that the car wasn't moving.

I looked out the window at my surroundings, and all I could see was endless empty fields. "Where are we?"

Natasha hummed. "Just outside of Pennsylvania."

"Hm," I nodded to myself, "And where were we before?"

Natasha only smiled coyly at me, those sinful red lips curved with the ends pointing at her shining eyes. I knew that she wouldn't tell me, and I'm sure she knew why I asked. For a reaction, to see that look on her face.

"A different question then," I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and playfulness, "Where are we going?"

Natasha turned the keys in the ignition. "You'll see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> Good Morning/They’re Here  
>  _A Letter For Clara - Murray Gold_
> 
> I Told You Not To Fall Asleep  
>  _A Duty of Care - Murray Gold_


	7. Chapter 7

A summary of these past few days would be shitty motels, shitty coffee, and shitty attitudes.

"I'm going the right way, look!" I held up the map, pointing at the highway we were currently pulled over on, "See, this will take us straight to where Fury told us to go."

"We need to use backroads for now," She argued, yanking the map from my hands.

"Hey!"

"We've been on the highway for too long." Natasha ignored my protest, "Sooner or later, they're going to catch up with us and we'll be surrounded if we don't start alternating routes."

I groaned, leaning back against the seat. We had been driving across the country for the past few days trying to get to the next "safehouse", Natasha called it. It was a blessing she even told me where we were going in the first place. I had only managed to coerce it out of her when she nearly fell asleep at the wheel and I had begged her to let me take a turn at driving.

"Fine." I sighed, giving in. If she wanted her way, then she was going to have to get it herself.

"Thank you," She hummed, satisfied that she won.

I rolled my eyes and opened my door, hopping out. "And it's your turn."

She huffed but followed suit, both of us rounding the car to sit in our opposite seats. I sighed, relaxing in my seat and taking in the scenery as much as I could for a highway. I had nothing better to do than watch the blue sky turn into beautiful orange and pinks, then into deep purple and black. The moon shone brightly, leading our way through the dark roads. I felt myself let out a yawn. "When are we stopping?"

Natasha hummed in thought. "After we get over state lines I promise we'll stop for the night."

Without opening my eyes I gave her a thumbs up. I could hear her chuckle and it made my heart flutter. I didn't even know what state we were in, but I hoped that the lines wouldn't be too far away.

* * *

"I'm not a kid, Natasha." I grumbled as she turned the car off and unbuckled her seatbelt, "I can behave in places like this."

"I never said you were a kid," Natasha stated, "I just asked you to wait in the car while I got us a room."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, looking away from her. I knew it was pointless to fight with her, she's always going to win anyways. A few moments later I heard her car door slam shut and watched as she walked into the motel's tiny lobby. She had parked close enough that we could see each other through the window. I watched as she spoke to the receptionist. I don't know what I was expecting, I thought she might look menacing or threatening, maybe even a gun to the head, but it looked like a normal conversation. All smiles and politeness.

Truly shows how much I knew about the redhead.

Before I knew it, she was back outside and grabbing our stuff from the backseat. "Let's go."

I quietly hopped out of the car and followed her to our room. We walked in silence, the only sound we made being our footsteps and the jingling of the room keys. She stopped at a door marked A-14, unlocking it and walking inside. I followed her inside the small room, and nearly missed something in my sleepy fog. "There's one bed."

"It's the only room they had available this late." Natasha muttered, tossing our mostly empty bags on the bed. "And it's not like we haven't shared a bed before."

I blushed, memories of that night coming to the forefront of my mind. I pushed them back as I got ready for bed, freshening up and changing into my pajamas. I swallowed a couple of the pain pills Natasha had given me from who-knows-where, but they were the only way I make that increasing throb on the side of my head fade away so I wasn't complaining.

Natasha was already in bed by the time I was done. "Let's go to sleep. We need to be up early tomorrow."

I groaned halfheartedly. I felt sleepy and had no doubt I would be dead asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, but I was getting tired of sleeping in shitty motels and waking up at the crack of dawn. I wondered how long I was meant to live like this. Sure, it was way better than being a malnourished lab rat, but I just felt more and more tired and achy with every day that we kept going.

Bare, warm arms wrapped around my waist, and cool lips pressed against my temple. "Shh. I can practically hear your thoughts. Go to sleep, (Y/N)."

That name again. I wanted to ask her why she kept calling me that. I wondered why I wasn't Alyssa, the person she told me I was, but before I could think any further I felt myself falling into a deep and dreamless slumber.

* * *

I woke to a cold bed and the sound of running water echoing from the bathroom. I sat up and stretched out. My head and back ached, no doubt from the uncomfortable motel mattress. I waited a few minutes before getting up, feeling no more rested than the night before.

I knocked on the bathroom door, and it was swiftly opened. Natasha wiped a washcloth over her face, damp from the water coming out of the still running sink. "I hope you don't want to take a shower."

I sighed in exhausted exasperation. "Let me guess, it doesn't work."

"Not this time." Natasha grimaced, walking over to the shower and turning it on. Jet black water spewed from the faucet, staining the white tiled walls.

I scrunched my nose up in revulsion. "Ew, that's disgusting."

Natasha turned the shower back off. "If we hurry up, we can make it to a place where we can safely shower by tonight."

That was my only motivation for the morning. After hurriedly getting ready, I waited in the car as Natasha turned in the room keys. We started driving on and off of different routes for a while before I asked her to pull over at let me drive.

"No, we're almost there. I can drive for a while longer."

I sighed, knowing this game all too well. "Natasha..."

She wouldn't budge. "Take a nap or something. You like to sleep."

"I don't like to sleep," I thought out loud to myself, "I think it's just my body catching up on all the sleep I've missed for the last few months."

Natasha was silent, almost as if she was unsure of what to say. I sighed, turning to look out my window. I felt myself start to drift off, my last thought being how the seats of the car were more comfortable than the bed at the motel.

* * *

When I woke, my head was pounding again and all I knew was that I was in the backseat of the car in the middle of nowhere. I figured that Natasha had moved me back here sometime while I was sleeping. I tried to sit up, but I realized that wasn't going to happen easily. I groaned, pressing my hands on my head in a dull attempt to stop to pounding. "Where are we?"

"Closer than we were before." Natasha said softly. She must've noticed that my head was killing me because she reached back to run a gentle hand through my hair. "How's your head?"

"Hurts like a bitch." I grumbled. She only smiled sympathetically toward me before turning back to the dirt road, driving for a while longer in silence. I focused on my surroundings and tried to get the headache to go away, but it was no use. Not after what had happened while I was asleep.

I remembered something.

_Natasha. Me. Other people that I didn't know, yet I felt comfortable with them. A long, seemingly endless beach. The crashing waves that tickled my ankles. I giggled, and Natasha pressed kisses to my face. It was bliss._

I couldn't help the heat that rose in my face and I turned away from Natasha's possibly wandering eyes. It was so vivid while I was asleep and now I could only see flashes. I had debated whether it was a dream or not, but it couldn't have been. It was to vivid to no be real.

Before I knew it, the sun had started to go down and the trees were greener than they were before. Natasha's voice broke me from my thoughts. "We're here."

It took all my strength to sit up and get out of the car, and I nearly fell over when I stood. Natasha came around to help me walk. She led me to a house and proceeded to knock on the door. A moment later, a man with blond hair swung open the door. He looked at me first, something like astonishment and happiness glowed on his face. Then he looked to Natasha, pure joy and relief radiating in his smile. "Tasha."

Natasha took a deep breath, as if she was grounding herself as she looked at the man in front of us. "Hi, Clint."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> There’s A Song On The Radio And Something About It Sounds Eerily Familiar  
>  _Set It All Free - Scarlett Johansson_
> 
> Motels (Rest My Head)  
>  _1 AM (New Leaf) - Manaka Kataoka_


	8. Chapter 8

The man seemed familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. He had a sleeve of tattoos on his right arm and a pair of black and purple hearing aids in his ears. I knew he was at the beach with Natasha, but I couldn't think of anything more than that. It was like his face was encoded into my memory deep down, but I had no access to the memories.

"Well, well, look who it is. Long time, no see." He looked over at me and smiled, moving out of the doorway, "Come on in."

We followed him inside to a wide living room, where a kind looking woman was sat nursing a steaming mug. "Nat!"

"Laura," Natasha greeted the woman warmly. Laura stood quickly and pulled Natasha into a hug. "Where are the kids? I missed those little rascals."

"They're staying with their grandparents for now," Laura said, unintentionally shooting you a sad look. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"You loved the kids when you would come over. They called you 'auntie'." Clint mused in a teasing voice mindlessly, earning himself a whack on the arm from Natasha. "Hey!" Clint whined, "You can't hit the hard of hearing guy! That's just wrong."

Natasha shot him a hard glare. "Clint-"

"I know," Clint said, his eyes trailing momentarily to me before they were back on Natasha again, "Fury updated me on everything. I know, I'm being careful. Laura, are you gonna back me up on this?"

"Nope, you're on your own, babe." Laura said nonchalantly, giving me a tired smile. I tried to smile back, but it was hard with the room being so tense.

Natasha held Clint's gaze, sizing him up a moment longer before subtly nodding. With her approval, he turned back to me. "So, you really don't remember me?" Clint asked, looking more like a sad puppy than a master archer.

After a moment of hesitation, I shook my head, "No, I don't. I'm sorry." I said, wishing the burden of my lost memories would stop hurting the people knew me, who I supposedly knew too.

Laura broke the awkward silence in the room. "Why don't you two go upstairs and get settled?"

Natasha gave her a smile and a nod, "That sounds great, thank you." She turned to me, "Go on ahead up. Our room is the second door on the left. I'll meet you up there."

* * *

I took a shower for the first time in days.

I couldn't complain when I was rarely allowed to take one at the place I was before, and Natasha was too paranoid about the showers at the motels. When they weren't emitting water that probably wasn't even water, she believed they were either wired, booby trapped, or just too grimy. A vulnerable place, she called them, to vulnerable to risk, so now I relished the hot water running down my body, soothing my soreness.

Laura had thrown a towel into the dryer for me so it would be warm when I got out. I had tried to tell her not to, that it would be fine, but she said that's what she did for family.  
Family. She considered me a part of her family. I don't know who she is, hell, I don't even know who my own family is, but these people have done so much for me. And at what cost?  
I tried not to think about it as I dried myself off.

Suddenly it happened again. As if a dial had been turned, everything was louder, more clear and concise through the walls. "Did you take her to the house?" Clint.

"Yeah, I did. I hoped that it would bring back some of her memories." Natasha said, her voice soft.

"And did it?"

The ruffling of her hair. "Sort of. She had a dream, and I think it might have been of the briefing before we left on our last mission."

"That's... good." Clint let out a breath. "

"Hm."

The conversation changed subject as the two caught up on what had happened over the time that they we're busy and couldn't stay in contact. It was vague and coded, for Laura's sake, likely. At some point the conversation stopped and I heard the two moving away from each other.

I finished drying myself off and got dressed in the clothes Laura set out for me. They surprisingly fit me really well. I sat on the edge of the bed, silently hoping that I could avoid all human contact for a while. It felt nice to be in a cozy home, safe and sound for the now moment, and I wanted to enjoy it for as long as I could.

The smell of warm food wafted through the house. I knew I would have to go downstairs eventually, so I sucked it up and opened the door. I made my way downstairs, purposely stepping on the creaky step I had noticed earlier on my way up. All three heads shot up, eyeing me with three different expressions; Laura's motherly concern, Clint's childlike glee, and Natasha's concealed 

"Hi, Alyssa," Laura said softly, stirring a boiling pot, "You're just in time for dinner."

"Okay." I said, just as soft, "Would you like me to help with anything?"

"No, just have a seat at the table." Clint said as he began setting plated on placemats.

I held back a sigh, feeling bad that they had done so much for me and they wouldn't let me do anything in return. "Are you sure?"

Clint chuckled, shaking his head. "Yeah, kid, you don't have to do anything. You're family."

There was that word again, family. Was I really family to these people? I had no way of knowing other than what they were telling me.

"Hey" Laura said, pulling me out of my thoughts, "Are you okay?"

I thought she was talking to me, but I turned to see that she was focused on the other side of the room. "Sorry," Natasha smiled apologetically at the woman, yet no blush grazed her cheeks, "I've been living off 7-Eleven coffee for the past few days."

Clint laughed, "Better than some of the stuff we've had on- on our vacations."

Natasha shot him a glare at his crappy save, "Yeah, where have we vacationed to, Clint?"

"Oh, you know, Sokovia, Wakanda, Budapest-"

"And what are some good tourists spots there?"

Clint blinked, "What?"

"Tourist spots, for when I take Alyssa to those places."

I whipped my head towards Natasha in surprise as Clint's mouth hung open, searching his brain for an answer. Laura walked into the dining room, carrying plates in the style of a expert waitress.  
"Close your mouth, honey, you'll catch flies."

Clint smacked his mouth closed as Natasha and I laughed. It felt good to joke around, to not be on edge the whole time. It felt good to joke around and be happy with people who considered me family.

Dinner was silent, only a few comments praising Laura for her cooking floating by. I picked at my mashed potatoes, only eating a small bite every few minutes. 

"Everything alright over there?" Clint interrupted my train of thought.

My head shot up, "Yeah, yeah I'm good." I gave him a feeble smile, hoping it would convince him.

"Well, eat up then, kid." Clint chuckled. "You've got a big day tomorrow."

I cocked my head at him, confused. He laughed, "I'm gonna teach you how to milk a cow, bright an early." Laura nudged her husband, tired of his childish antics.

After all the food had been eaten, I began to feel too sleepy to talk to anyone anymore. A yawn escaped me before I could cover it up. Natasha chuckled, rubbing my shoulder, "I think it's time for us to go to bed." Natasha stood, taking our plates and washing them off in the kitchen sink.

"Goodnight," the Barton's said simultaneously.

"See you in the morning," Natasha said back as I simply waved. She ushered me upstairs and we went into our room. She softly closed the door behind us and turned to hand me a stack of folded clothes. "Here. I'll change in the bathroom."

"Okay." I mumbled, and with that she left me to my own business. I changed swiftly into the pajamas, a black t-shirt and a pair of black and red exercise pants. I got settled in the bed before Natasha exited the bathroom wearing something similar, the only difference being her black tank top.

As she slid into bed, she turned the lamp off on the bedside table and turned to face me. "Go to sleep, kotyonok." She whispered sleepily, her eyelids heavy. "I'll be here when you wake."

* * *

I woke up before everyone else. My mouth was dry, so I crept through the house as quietly as I could. I stopped before I could make it to the kitchen, staring at the front of the Barton's living room. It felt familiar, like I had been there before. At a moments glance, it just looked like a different angle of view, but it was different. Others had been there too, standing beside me, but I couldn't remember. Maybe Natasha? I would have to ask her to help me figure it out.

I moved to stand in front of the windows, looking at the house from this perspective. It seemed so familiar, yet so distant. I scoured my vacant memory for what it could be, what the connection was, but I couldn't find anything. I looked around the room, eventually staring over the pictures adorning the mantle of their fireplace. Some of them had Clint in them, others had Laura or Natasha. Some of them had people I didn't recognize, yet I had that now familiar feeling that I knew them somehow.

"My kids," Clint said from beside me, making me jump, "Lila, Cooper, and Nathaniel."

I didn't know what to say to the underdressed man, so I echoed the first thing that came to mind. "They look so happy."

"They are." He affirmed, "This was Christmas a few years ago. It was the first that we had spent it with Natasha and... and a friend."

I looked up at him to find him already looking at me, studying me for some kind of reaction. I set the picture back on the mantle where it was before. "You have a lovely family."

"I don't mean to be weird, but..." I paused, trying to figure out the way I was going to say this, "I feel like... like I knew them."

Clint studied my face, looking at me with strange intrigue. "You did."

" _Clint_." Natasha growled with dangerous warning.

He only held up a hand in her direction. "What do you remember?" He asked softly.

I gasped as a memory flooded into my mind, displayed like a movie on the silver screen, "Your daughter," I touched my knee where I had felt her rosy cheek press years ago. "And your son," I saw the young brunet hug onto Natasha, "And you, and Laura, and Natasha, and... others."

Natasha furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Others?"

"Yes... four men." I held fast onto the memory that tried to slip away from me, fading with every moment of remembrance. "They were standing right there." I gestured to the front of their living room, where I had just been standing before.

Natasha and Clint turned away from me to talk to each other while Laura stayed beside me, rubbing my arm in an attempt at soothing comfort. I silently wished that the whatever that hearing trick was would start working, but I could only hear a few words. "Battle", "Safehouse", and "Ultron" drifted out of their little bubble.

I turned to Laura, "What are they talking about?"

Laura simply smiled back at me. "Don't worry about that. What would you like for breakfast?"

I blinked, stunned by her sudden change of subject, "Uh, whatever you want to make is fine."

"No, no, I make everyone what they want for breakfast." Laura smiled gently, "So whatever you like is fine."

"Okay, um," I tried to gather my thoughts. The fact that she was letting me choose, letting me have a choice in something was something I had never been allowed to do before. "Do you have coffee?" She nodded. "Can I have a cup of that? With a little milk and two and a half teaspoons of sugar please?"

The room went quiet. "What?"

Natasha took a tentative step towards me, "That was how you liked your coffee." She breathed out, "Before... everything happened."

"Oh," I said, unsure of how I was meant to react to that. I didn't consciously remember that was how I liked my coffee, so... why did I say that?

"Let's not worry about that right now," Laura said quickly, ushering me to the kitchen table, "Not something we need to worry about with empty bellies."

We all ended up sitting down at the table as Laura put our differing breakfast orders in front of us. I sipped my coffee soundly, lost in my thoughts. A recap of everything that had happened since we got here played in my mind. With everything that had happened, I felt like I didn't deserve any of this, especially with the multiple scares that my lost memories have caused. "I'm sorry."

Natasha froze, a forkful of scrambled egg halfway to her lips, "For what?"

"Everything. Not remembering. I just... I hate to be such a burden to you all." I mumbled.

Clint and Laura looked back and forth between us, waiting to see who would move next. Natasha stared at me, a mix of shock and hesitation painting her features. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it just as quick, then opened her moth again with whatever words she wanted to say stuck in her throat.

"Look who's catching flies now," Clint muttered, unintentionally loud enough for all of us to hear.

Laura grimaced and kicked her husband's leg under the table, which was met with a quiet 'ow'. Laura sighed, "You're not a burden. We're doing this for you because we care about you." She reached across the table to grab my hand and squeezed, "Now finish up, I need you to help me feed the chickens."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> Reunion  
>  _Turnabout Sisters Ballad - Masakazu Sugimori_
> 
> Overhearing (Reprise I)  
>  _Natasha - Henry Jackman_
> 
> Images of Memory  
>  _Photos of Us - Pinar Toprak_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you follow me on Tumblr (secondsineternity), you know that this chapter is rewritten a bit because stupid AO3 refreshed before I could save it. I tried to rewrite it as accurately as I possibly could, but I personally don't like it as much as the original draft. Oh well. Sorry team. :/ (And still this is 1.3K. Jeez.)

I woke up bright and early, for once. My sleep schedule was so unpredictable these days, I'd find yourself catnaping in the Barton's living room couch or waking up to a giggling Clint hovering over me like a crazed helicopter.

I sat up straight, stretching and climbing out of bed. Natasha was still asleep beside me, snoring peacefully into her pillow. It felt like my heart was swelling up at the sight, and I impulsively reached out to tuck a lock of red hair back behind her ear. I paused just as my hand lightly brushed against her cheek. It never hit me until now how natural it felt to be sleeping in the same bed as her, let alone these actions of adoration I feel toward her.

I shook my head, shaking off the thought. This was not something I could focus on right now. Not just yet.

I walked downstairs as quietly as possible, not sure if anyone was awake yet. To my surprise, Laura Barton was in the kitchen bouncing a toddler on her hip and cooking something that smelled so good.

"Good morning, Mrs. Barton." I yawned, rubbing my eyes.

"How many times have I told you to just call me Laura?" She teased playfully. "You up for some blueberry pancakes?"

I laughed quietly. "Sorry. Just really tired. And yes, that sounds great, thank you." I stared at the thumb-sucking toddler she was balancing on her hip. "So, uh, whose baby is this?"

Laura laughed heartily, "The baby is mine. Nathaniel, named after Natasha." She nudged the toddler to look up at me, "Natie, remember your auntie?"

"(Y/N/N)!" He gurgled out happily, shaking a slobbery fist at me.

I giggled at him, confused. "I don't think he remembers me, Laura."

"Oh, he does." She said slightly shakily, "He's just babbling."

I nodded, still unsure. Ever since this whole adventure had started, something felt off. My instincts had been roaring at me to fight and kill and plead for the truth, but these people had shown me nothing but kindness. As much as I wanted to listen, I didn't. It wasn't the right time. "Okay, yeah."

"Well uh," Laura shifted Nathaniel from one hip to the other, "Why don't you go collect some eggs from the chicken coop and I'll scramble them up just the way you like them?"

* * *

Clint peeked into the room he always saved for two of his favorite girls- besides his wife and daughter, of course. Alyssa (he still wasn't used to that name) was nowhere to be seen, but Natasha- she was crying. She looked more like a poor little girl than a fully-trained assassin right then. He watched as Natasha wiped the tears from her cheeks and turned to him, "Come in, Clint."

Clint stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind him. He cautiously approached his best friend before sitting beside her and pulling her into his arms. "Nat, what-"

"What the hell is wrong with me?" Natasha interrupted, sobbed into her best friend's shoulder, "I should have said something."

"It's okay, Tasha. Nobody blames you." Clint soothed her, and he was reminded of the day he first met her. The day he made a better call, and made a new friend from it.

"I should have been better for her. I was trained to be better for her, damn it!" Natasha abruptly pulled away and began to pace the room. "I've saved her, and now look at her! If I fail and they take her again-"

"Hey," Clint stood and moved towards his best friend, "Don't say that-"

"It's true! I don't know if I can live if they take her again." She all but screamed at him, making him frown in disappointment at her. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I'm- I just-."

"Hey, it's okay," He said softly, knowing he needed to ground his best friend back to Earth before she floated too far away. " (Y/N)'s a fighter, and she got out. You're okay, and she's okay, and we're all right here." 

"Clint, I-" She sniffed, "I don't know what to do. Natasha whispered. "And I'm- I'm afraid she won't be the same."

Clint said nothing and pulled her into the tightest bear hug he could muster. He just patted her shoulder as they stood in silence, combing over thoughts and worries of their own. Her fears were valid and he knew that. He could only pray to god or Thor or somebody for his friend for her memories, for her _life_. He looked out the window to see said friend wresting an egg away from an angry hen mama and he had to hold back a laugh.

Clint turned her towards the window. "See? She's fine." He rubs her upper back comfortingly. "She's not going anywhere."

Natasha numbly stood there for a moment before pulled away from her friend's embrace and care. She was done with emotions for today. "I hope so. I really, really hope so."

* * *

"I want to go-"

"No."

I groaned, whining like a child. "But I haven't been anywhere in days."

"No."

" _But Nat!_ "

"Gah, she's still just as bad as before." Clint threw his hands up in frustration and stormed out of the room.

Natasha's facial expression didn't even change in the slightest. _Stubborn lady_. "You are not going anywhere and that is final."

"Hmph." I crossed my arms over my chest and sunk further down into the couch. We had been here for over a week and I just wanted to go somewhere that wasn't the house, the yard, or the barn. I wanted to get out and go somewhere before I fully transformed into a couch potato or a farmhand.

"Nat," Laura moved toward her apprehensively, "I think that maybe a trip into town wouldn't hurt her."

"You never know who's watching and where they're watching." Natasha snapped, but gave Laura an apologetic look.

"You can even wear some of Clint's stuff. I know he has some feminine disguises from that time when he-"

The sound of footsteps hurtling towards the room stopped Laura in her tracks. A disheveled Clint ran in, quickly covering his wife's mouth with his hand. "Shhhhh, shh. Not in front of the baby!"

Laura licked his hand, causing a very unmanly squeal of disgust from her husband. "Nathaniel is upstairs, babe?" Laura questioned.

"No, not Nate. Her." He pointed at me.

" _Me_?"

"Yes, you. You're a tiny little thing." He said in a baby voice.

You stood aggressively, "Oh, I'll show you tiny-" You we're pushed back onto the couch by Natasha, landing with a hard 'umph'.

"No. Bad." Natasha whisper-shouted at you. You just flopped down and accepted it.

Laura, on the other hand, turned to her husband with a stern look on her face. "Go outside."

"But-"

"Go. Now, before I sic the Widow on you." Laura smirked. Clint rightfully paled and ran for his life, the screen door shutting with a loud bang behind him. Laura sighed, "Oh no."

As if on cue, the baby monitor started to sound Nathaniel's cries. Laura groaned, beginning her trek up the stairs. "Be nice to each other, you two."

"We will," We both cooed innocently to her. She, of course, didn't believe either of us and rolled her eyes.

Once she disappeared upstairs, I turned to Natasha. "Please? I'll stay right beside you the whole time."

She clenched her jaw, truly contemplating what I was asking. She stared me down, and I stared right back. She sighed in defeat, knowing I wasn't going to give up that easily. "Fine. Tomorrow. Eight AM. You have thirty minutes. You're wearing a wig."

"Why do I have to wear a wig?"

"You can choose between the platinum blonde wig or the mohawk."

"I'll take the platinum blonde, please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> Early to Rise  
>  _Farmhouse - Danny Elfman_
> 
> She’s Not Going Anywhere  
>  _Red Ledger - Alan Silvestri_


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ICYMI: Stolen got a title change! It’s now called The Widow’s Charge. The title change is due to the title I’ve come up with for the prequel series about Natasha before she met Alyssa/(Y/N)!
> 
> On the other hand: I’m so sorry for the wait in uploading this! A mix of interest in other fandoms with life circumstances got in the way, but here it is! I hope you all enjoy!

If I’ve learned one thing during this strange experience, it’s to never die my hair platinum blonde. In fact, it’s the worst color I could imagine for my hair, and I can only hope its not my natural color.

“It doesn’t look that bad on you.” Natasha murmured to me in the early morning, “Reminds me of someone, actually.”

“Natasha,” I said admonishingly, “Do you have an ulterior motive for me wearing this wig?”

She chuckled, pressing a hot mug of coffee in my hands. “Maybe, maybe not.”

I shook my head, a small smile on my face as I took a sip of coffee. _A little milk and two and a half teaspoons of sugar. Just the way I like it._

Seeing myself in the mirror was still a strange experience. The makeup and clothes I had borrowed from Laura made me look like different from the person I had been seeing in the mirror over the past few weeks. I looked... normal. The bags under my eyes disappeared, the frown that was normally plastered on my face turned around... I looked like a completely different person, I looked like... me. If only I could remember who ‘me’ was...

Natasha’s distanced voice interrupted my train of thought. “You done staring at yourself yet?”

I laughed, not bothering to answer her. I have no idea how she knows these things- I have no idea how she knows anything, really, but... she must’ve known me well enough to pick up all the small things.

“Alyssa!”

I laughed again, louder and with a wider smile on my face. _This woman... she’ll be the death of me._

* * *

I have never seen so many buildings before, at least I don’t remember.

They weren’t the sleek, city-like towers I had imagined, they were made of brick and stone and some were painted neutral or bright colors, and they all looked beautiful. Like a painting.

I had to listen to Natasha and Clint’s bickering the entire ride, which would’ve been annoying had I not slept majority of the way to town.

_“C’mon, Nat! Loosen up a little!” Clint whined. “I take my kids to Toys’R’Us all the time.”_

_“She is not a child, Clint!” Natasha argued, “The only reason I agreed to this is because she needs new clothes and a pair of shoes.”_

_”Oh, we all know you’re going to buy her way more than that!” Clint whined, “Besides, she’s-“_

_“She’s sitting right here, y’know.”_

_Both smiled nervously back at me, mumbling apologies. Clint said something along the lines of ‘I thought you were still asleep’ under his breath, earning him a slap on the arm from Natasha as the two continued their bickering._

I rolled my eyes at the recent memory, shaking my head at the pair’s antics. We walked up to the town center, looking around at all the shops and signs.

Clint cleared his throat, “I’m gonna look at the, uh... sporting goods. You two have fun.” He turned and nearly ran for the building across the street.

Natasha looked over at me, rolling her eyes. “That’s Clint code for ‘I’m too embarrassed to go in a girly store without my wife or daughter so I’m not coming with you’.”

I giggled, linking my arm with Natasha’s. We went into store after store, never leaving one empty-handed. Every single thing I liked, Natasha bought for me in the blink of an eye. Even if I glanced for something a second too long, she pulled my size of the rack and shoved me into a dressing room. I felt like a Barbie, playing dress-up and pretending to be a model.

We entered another store, I had lost count after the fourth. I was surrounded by colors of all hues and tones, gazing around in awe. “I have never seen this many colors.”

Natasha smiled... but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You have... a long while ago.” She said no more than that, looking toward a wall of jackets and sweaters.

“Was it in this store?” I tried to press her into speaking, but she merely shook her head.

As I looked at another top- a collared baby blue blouse- Clint barged into the store, panting and sweating. We both turned to look at him with concern.

“What happened?” Natasha stood and moved toward him, assessing him.

“First of all, I lost a hearing aid running over here- which sucks _ass_ , but that’s not the problem.” He rested his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath, “Someone’s been following me, and I’m sure someone’s been following you as well.” He and Natasha shared a look, a silent conversation passing between them.

“Could it be... y’know?” I interrupted, wringing my hands nervously.

“I don’t know,” Clint shrugged, “I didn’t see any identifying mark. Of course, I couldn’t really catch a glimpse without him noticing me, so I really don’t know.”

We were all silent for a few moments after that. Suddenly, Natasha and Clint looked to each other, a quick exchange of words between them.

“Smoke?”

“I smell it too.”

Just as the last word was spoken, the building exploded. I screamed, falling to the ground and clutching my hands over my head. Glass from the windows flew inwards, cutting my arms in too many places to count. Clothing was on fire, customers and employees were screaming and running in different directions, and my ears would not stop ringing.

“C’mon, we need to get out,” Natasha pulled me up my my arms, “C’mon!”

I groaned, letting her adjust my body so that she could half carry me and I could half walk. She dragged me out the back entrance and behind the store, the smell of garbage and spoiled beer clogging my nose. “Nat...”

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m going to get you somewhere safe.” She crooned, lifting me bridal style and carrying me out of the alleyway. The action felt so familiar, but I couldn’t exactly place it-

_Alarms blaring. Red lights flashing. My eyes slowly opening from a deep, drugged sleep. My dry mouth and rumbling stomach. Forcing my weak and dying body awake. Taking in the chaos around me. Silhouettes running past me. Shouts and screams coming from all different directions. The sounds of pleading and crying. The sound of metal scraping against the concrete as my cell door was opened. A beautiful redheaded woman unlocking the chains around my wrists, ankles and neck, picking me up delicately and carrying me out into the daylight._

I snapped out of the bleak memory. I couldn’t focus on it now.

Natasha set me down gently, making sure I could hold my balance before letting me go. “We have to run now, okay? You and me, we’re going to get out of here-”

“There she is! Get her!” Someone shouted in German, most likely a HYDRA soldier.

“Damnit!” Natasha cursed and pushed me into an alley between two shops that we hadn’t been to yet. “Stay here.”

I looked at her, worry and fear in my eyes. “But what about-“

“Stay. Here.” She annunciated each word with anger, “Clint is fine, he knows what to do.”

I sighed, crouching down between a dumpster and a large stack of boxes, pulling my knees to my chest and praying to whatever god who would listen that it would all be over soon- and that Natasha, Clint, and all of the Bartons were safe.

A corpse flew past me, and I resisted the urge to scream. It was a HYDRA soldier, one that I recognized from my time there. An arrow stuck out of his head, a direct hit between the brows. This had to mean someone else was here, fighting alongside us.

A risked a peak around the corner, searching for a wisp of red hair among a crowd of panicked civilians running in every which direction. Finally, I saw her, standing in the middle of the crowd, aiming her guns at the oncoming soldiers like an angel of death. She fired them one at a time, back and forth until they ran out of ammo to which she would reload without a single glance and begin firing again.

I watched in awe as she took down soldier after soldier, leaving a bloody field of corpses behind. It looked to be all over, as she reholstered her guns and brushed the loose hairs behind her ears. I nearly cried with joy.

A single soldier began creeping up on her from behind. I moved to shout a warning to her, but she beat me to it. She twirled expertly, pulling a small blade from god-knows-where, and slit the throat of the soldier in the span of a second.

Then the arrows started firing.

I squeaked, covering my head with my arms. Arrows whizzed past me, the sound of impaling skin and loud slams filled my ears. I wanted to run, run as far as I could and stay away til sundown, but I knew that wasn’t an option. Natasha told me to stay, and I was going to follow her order no matter what.

A hand grabbed my arm and I turned quick enough to give myself whiplash. It was Clint, roughed up and holding a bow. “Alright kid, we gotta bounce.”

I tugged on his hand, “No, we can’t just leave Nat!”

“She’ll catch up with us, I promise.” He pulled me along, giving me no choice in whether I was coming or not, “We have to go before they capture you again.”

I gave in, running alongside him out of the markets and to a large parking lot filled with cars of all colors and sizes. He led us to a large brown and white traveling van, more than large enough to fit the three of us. I looked around at all the other cars in the lot, noticing ones that were less suspicious. “Isn’t this a bit obvious?”

“That’s the point, kid.” He took off his jacket, wrapping it around his fist before punching out the glass on the driver’s seat side.

“Are you kidding me?” I gasped, “This is stealing!”

“It’s steal or get caught,” He stared at me for a few seconds before reaching through the window and unlocking the car. “Go around and get in.”

I did as told, buckling in and sitting back, thankful for the reprieve. He hotwired the car quickly, the roar of the engine making him smile before he sped off onto the vacant road ahead of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pictured the town as Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls when I was writing this, but you guys can imagine it to be whatever you want it to look like.
> 
> Soundtrack For This Chapter  
> Getting Ready  
>  _Angel Wings - Patrick Doyle_
> 
> Shopping  
>  _Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison_
> 
> Time to Go  
>  _All The Strange, Strange Creatures - Murray Gold_
> 
> (P.S. The next chapter is already written and will be up soon!)


End file.
